"If the truth be told, the general consensus by at least a few people I have known is that I have had an overdeveloped attraction to problems."

Larissa Kaye Batten (llbeara@aol.com) writes "Soul Food," a weekly column for SpiritSite.com.  

Larissa is a prolific writer whose work has been featured in several publications.  

You can visit Lara's web site at www.miracleanimalrescue.com (site will open in a new window).

"You’re addicted to chaos, Lara, and you know it," Paul told me with his usual big grin. "Every time I see you, there’s a new crisis."

Paul is not alone in recognizing my attraction to the disorganized, the chaotic, the crazy, and the crisis.

"I think you’re addicted to chaos," my friend Aly informed me not too long before Paul made the same diagnosis.

Nothing like a friend to put me in my place.

"If you think I’m addicted to chaos now," I said to Paul, "you should have seen me a few years ago. This is nothing in comparison.  The difference now is that I don’t like crises. A few years back, I didn’t know about anything other than crisis. Crisis was so familiar that I didn’t know I had a choice."

"Yeah, yeah," Paul chuckled, chewing the Nicorette gum he always chews.

Maybe I should tell him he’s addicted to that gum, I thought to myself. Maybe I’ll get him back for calling me addicted to chaos. Yeah, I could drum up some more chaos. Nah.

If the truth be told, the general consensus by at least a few people I have known is that I have had an overdeveloped attraction to problems.

I usually have a good story or two to tell my friends.

Last summer, I almost drowned trying to rescue my dog who did not need to be rescued. I was barely strong enough to get myself back in some man’s boat I had used as a jumping-off point.

A few years back, I was so out of control on my roller blades that I grabbed a man walking by to straighten me out. Of course, I eventually fell anyway.

Some years back, I had a car accident because I was checking out the guy behind me in my rear view mirror.

"Never a dull moment," my parents used to say.

My stories of chaos now are few and far between compared with how I was in earlier years.

I always had some problem or other. Indeed, I did have many life-threatening problems. But admittedly, I also had plenty of problems that I could have avoided.

I received a letter stating that a warrant would go out for my arrest if I did not pay my fine for kissing my boyfriend on the beach after the beach curfew went into effect.

I almost went to jail for agreeing to use a stranger’s identification to get into the U.S. Senate deliberations about establishing the Martin Luther King, Jr. holiday.

I got lost in a Holiday Inn hotel as a child because I forgot to step into the elevator with my family.

I certainly cannot deny that I have had my fair share of catastrophes that did not necessarily need to take place.

Chaos now? I have made much, much progress.

But yes, I do occasionally flirt with the idea of injecting more chaos into my life. Sometimes I even go past the flirting stage; sometimes I downright get involved with chaos because chaos is my old friend.

I wish I could say that this chaos thing is all a good joke. I wish I could say that it keeps me and my friends laughing. I wish I could say that choosing chaos is all in the name of fun.

But I do believe that chaos is a choice, and I do not believe it is all for fun.

When it comes right down to it, I believe I have a choice between chaos and creation.

When I choose to get involved in a chaotic situation, I increase the chaos. I become immersed in problems and am not too prone to coming out unscathed.

When I choose to avert a chaotic situation, I have the chance to create the life that I believe God would want me to have. Furthermore, by avoiding chaos, I offer myself the opportunity to be creative via writing, painting, loving, etc.

For example, an acquaintance of mine was very angry at me for something I did not do.

"I’m never going to talk to you again," she declared.

Oh boy. A wonderful opportunity to stir the chaos pot. I could call her and pick a fight with her. I could go to her house and defend myself. I could write her a nasty letter. I could beg her to be my friend. If I took one step in that direction, I knew right where I would end up.

I have learned that engaging in an argument with someone who is being totally irrational leads to all kinds of trouble.

"You can call me one more time if you want," my acquaintance said.

Hmmmm. Maybe I could call her and blast her for "treating me so badly".

In the past, I would have run head-first into a brick wall in a situation like this. I always, always, always chose the path of chaos.

Today, I knew I had a choice.

I could lambast my acquaintance for her behavior, or I could choose to walk another path altogether.

Let’s see, I thought. I have a new article due tomorrow. I am waiting to hear back from a publicist about my writing. I have some lovely, little picture frames my husband bought me that I can paint and use to frame my poetry. I can read a good book. I can take a delicious nap.  I can work on continuing to create a life for myself that is abundant and prosperous.

As far as I am concerned, I thought, I can take one step forward or one step back.

I know exactly what Paul and his sense of humor would tell me.

"There you go again with all that chaos," he would say with yet another good old jab in the good old ribs.

My friend Aly would say it with her loving touch.

"Lara, keep on creating," she told me the other day when I was frustrated with waiting for a career-related callback.

Chaos or Creation, what will it be?

I have reached a point on my spiritual path when I accept that chaos is always an option. And so is creation.

I decided not to call back my acquaintance. I chose to give myself a wonderful gift.  For the next 24 hours, I chose creation over chaos.  And I was a lot happier at the end of the day.

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