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Excerpted from Radical Forgiveness by Colin Tipping. Copyright 1997 by Colin Tipping. Excerpted by permission of Global Thirteen Publishing.  All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher. HTML and web pages copyright by SpiritSite.com.
 


"I began to get a picture of what might be going on between Jill and Jeff from a Radical Forgiveness standpoint, but decided not to mention it -- at least not right away."

Colin Tipping, Radical Forgiveness, Part 2

"Do you remember Jeff's eldest daughter, Lorraine?" I nodded. "Well, her husband, Wayne, got killed in a car crash about a year ago. Ever since, she and Jeff have developed this really weird relationship. Any time she calls, he fawns over her, calling her 'Love' and spending hours talking to her in hushed tones. You'd think they were lovers -- not father and daughter. If he's in the middle of something and she calls, he drops everything to talk with her. If she comes to our home, he acts just the same, if not worse. They huddle together in a deep and hushed conversation that excludes everyone else -- especially me. I can hardly stand it. I feel as if she has become the center of his life, and I hardly figure in at all. I feel totally shut out and ignored."

She went on and on, offering more details of the strange family dynamic that had developed. JoAnna and I listened attentively. We wondered aloud about the cause of Jeff's behavior and were generally sympathetic. We made suggestions as to how she might talk to him about his behavior and generally struggled to find a way to fix things, as would any concerned brother and sister-in-law. John was supportive and offered his perspective on the situation as well.

What seemed strange and suspicious to me was Jeff's uncharacteristic behavior. The Jeff I knew was affectionate with his daughters and certainly co-dependent enough to badly need their approval and love, but I had never seen him behave in the manner Jill described. I had always known him as equally caring and affectionate towards Jill. In fact, I found it hard to believe that he would leave her out quite so cruelly. I found it easy to understand why this situation made Jill unhappy, and Jeff's insistence that she was imagining it all and making herself mentally ill over it only made matters worse for her.

The conversation about Jill's problem with Jeff continued all the next day. I began to get a picture of what might be going on between Jill and Jeff from a Radical Forgiveness standpoint, but decided not to mention it -- at least not right away. She was too caught up in the drama of the situation and, therefore, unable to listen or hear what I had to say. Besides, Radical Forgiveness is based on metaphysical principles, and I had never had an opportunity to discuss metaphysics with either John or Jill. As far as I knew, neither had any knowledge of esoteric thought or metaphysical systems, and I felt certain they were unaware of my beliefs about Radical Forgiveness. Surely, the time had not arrived to introduce so challenging a thought as "this is perfect just the way it is, and this represents an opportunity to heal."

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