if beneath the drama something of a more spiritual nature was happening?"
Radical Forgiveness, Part 4
"It's perfectly natural to think that everything we see and
experience "out there" in the world is all there is to
reality," I explained, "but maybe a whole lot more happens
beneath that reality. Maybe we don't perceive anything else, because it
remains beyond our ability to sense its existence.
"Take your situation. You and Jeff have this drama going on. That
much is clear, but what if beneath the drama something of a more
spiritual nature was happening -- same people and same events but a
totally different meaning? What if your two souls were doing the same
dance but to a wholly different tune? What if the dance was about you
healing? What if you could see this as an opportunity to heal and grow?
That would be a very different interpretation, would it not?"
Both she and John looked at me as if I was now speaking a foreign
language. I decided to bypass the explanation and go directly for the
"Looking back over the last three months or so, Jill, what did you
feel most predominantly when you saw Jeff behaving so lovingly towards
his daughter, Lorraine?"
"Anger mostly," she said, but continued thinking about it.
"Frustration," she added, then, after a long pause, "And
sadness. I really feel sad." Tears welled up in her eyes. "I
feel so alone and unloved," she said and began sobbing quietly.
"It wouldn't be so bad if I thought he couldn't show love, but he
can and he does -- but with her!"
She spat the last few words out with vehemence and rage and began to sob
uncontrollably. She'd shed a few tears prior to this, but she hadn't
really let herself cry. Now, at last, she let go. I was pleased that
Jill had been able to get in touch with her emotions that quickly.
A full 10 minutes went by before her crying subsided and I felt she
could talk. At that point, I asked, "Jill, can you remember ever
feeling this same way when you were a little girl?" Without the
slightest hesitation, she said, "Yes." She was not immediately
forthcoming about when, so I asked her to explain. It took her a while
"Dad wouldn't love me either!" she blurted out finally and
began to sob again. "I wanted him to love me, but he wouldn't. I
thought he couldn't love anyone! Then your daughter came along, Colin.
He loved her all right. So why couldn't he love me, God dammit!"
She banged her fist hard on the table as she shouted the words and
dissolved into more uncontrollable tears.
Jill's reference was to my eldest daughter, Lorraine. Coincidentally,
she had been given the same name as Jeff's eldest daughter.