"What if beneath the drama something of a more spiritual nature was happening?"

"It's perfectly natural to think that everything we see and experience "out there" in the world is all there is to reality," I explained, "but maybe a whole lot more happens beneath that reality. Maybe we don't perceive anything else, because it remains beyond our ability to sense its existence.

"Take your situation. You and Jeff have this drama going on. That much is clear, but what if beneath the drama something of a more spiritual nature was happening -- same people and same events but a totally different meaning? What if your two souls were doing the same dance but to a wholly different tune? What if the dance was about you healing? What if you could see this as an opportunity to heal and grow? That would be a very different interpretation, would it not?"

Both she and John looked at me as if I was now speaking a foreign language. I decided to bypass the explanation and go directly for the experience.

"Looking back over the last three months or so, Jill, what did you feel most predominantly when you saw Jeff behaving so lovingly towards his daughter, Lorraine?"

"Anger mostly," she said, but continued thinking about it. "Frustration," she added, then, after a long pause, "And sadness. I really feel sad." Tears welled up in her eyes. "I feel so alone and unloved," she said and began sobbing quietly. "It wouldn't be so bad if I thought he couldn't show love, but he can and he does -- but with her!"

She spat the last few words out with vehemence and rage and began to sob uncontrollably. She'd shed a few tears prior to this, but she hadn't really let herself cry. Now, at last, she let go. I was pleased that Jill had been able to get in touch with her emotions that quickly.

A full 10 minutes went by before her crying subsided and I felt she could talk. At that point, I asked, "Jill, can you remember ever feeling this same way when you were a little girl?" Without the slightest hesitation, she said, "Yes." She was not immediately forthcoming about when, so I asked her to explain. It took her a while to respond.

"Dad wouldn't love me either!" she blurted out finally and began to sob again. "I wanted him to love me, but he wouldn't. I thought he couldn't love anyone! Then your daughter came along, Colin. He loved her all right. So why couldn't he love me, God dammit!" She banged her fist hard on the table as she shouted the words and dissolved into more uncontrollable tears.

Jill's reference was to my eldest daughter, Lorraine. Coincidentally, she had been given the same name as Jeff's eldest daughter.

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