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"The key in step one is always to become clear about our own feelings and thoughts."

Dan Joseph, Inner Healing, Part 5

Troubleshooting Step One: Perceptions

One of the trickiest parts of step one is identifying perceptions as perceptions. For example, I may have a conversation like this. (And again, I sometimes have the same difficulties as this person.)

Me: "You were able to identify your specific feelings; that’s great. Now let’s go on to the next part of step one. You feel angry because you see your boss as...?"

Person: "I feel angry because my boss is rude."

Me: "I think that it’s important to say, ‘because I see my boss as rude.’"

Person: "But he is."

Me: "He may be acting in certain ways. But it’s important to get clear about our own thoughts, or perceptions of the situation."

Person: "Believe me, if you knew him, you’d understand what I mean. That guy is rude."

In this situation, the person is having some difficulty identifying her perception of her boss as a perception. It’s true that the boss may be acting in insensitive or unkind ways. But in order to clear a space for God’s comfort to enter her mind, this person needs to gather together her current thoughts and offer them to God. Focusing only on the boss’s behavior won’t create this opening.

In this case, I might say:

Me: "I understand that your boss isn’t showing much kindness toward you."

Person: "Yeah, that’s right."

Me: "We can’t work on him, though."

Person: "Unfortunately, no."

Me: "OK, why don’t we focus on clearing out our own dark thoughts. Do you have any dark thoughts about your boss?"

Person: "I guess I do. He really triggers a lot of negativity in me."

Me: "OK, why don’t you list out some of those negative thoughts. Then we’ll offer them up to God, and ask for a replacement."

The key in step one is always to become clear about our own feelings and thoughts. Even if someone else is "triggering" those feelings and thoughts (and this will often be the case), we’ll only find peace by working on our side of the equation. Acknowledging our specific thoughts clears the way for steps two and three.

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Excerpted from Inner Healing by Dan Joseph. Copyright © 2002 by Quiet Mind Publishing, LLC. Excerpted by permission of Quiet Mind Publishing, LLC. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher. HTML and web pages copyright © by SpiritSite.com.