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"There
is little reason to be surprised that human love relations follow the
same pattern of exchange which governs the commodity and the labor
market." |
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Erich Fromm, The Art of Loving,
Part 3
At any rate, the sense of falling in love develops usually only with
regard to such human commodities as are within reach of one's own
possibilities for exchange. I am out for a bargain; the object should be
desirable from the standpoint of its social value, and at the same time
should want me, considering my overt and hidden as-sets and
potentialities. Two persons thus fall in love when they feel they have
found the best object available on the market, considering the
limitations of their own exchange values. Often, as in buying real
estate, the hidden potentialities which can be developed play a
considerable role in this bargain. In a culture in which the marketing
orientation prevails, and in which material success is the outstanding
value, there is little reason to be surprised that human love relations
follow the same pattern of exchange which governs the commodity and the
labor market.
The third error leading to the assumption that there is nothing to be
learned about love lies in the confusion between the initial experience
of "falling" in love, and the permanent state of being
in love, or as we might better say, of " standing" in love. If
two people who have been strangers, as all of us are, suddenly let the
wall between them break down, and feel close, feel one, this moment of
oneness is one of the most exhilarating, most exciting experiences in
life. It is all the more wonderful and miraculous for persons who have
been shut off, isolated, without love. This miracle of sudden intimacy
is often facilitated if it is combined with, or initiated by, sexual
attraction and consummation. However, this type of love is by its very
nature not lasting.
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