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Excerpted from Love is the Answer by G. Jampolsky and D. Cirincione. Copyright 1990 by Gerald Jampolsky and Diane Cirincione. Excerpted by permission of Random House, Inc. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.  HTML and web pages copyright by SpiritSite.com.

"The ego tells us to never let go of past hurts because it is absolutely crucial to forever remember just how dangerous relationships can be."

Jerry Jampolsky and Diane Cirincione, 
Love Is the Answer
, Part 3

What we hear might go something like this:

The purpose of relationships is to meet my personal needs, to have my own interests come before the welfare of others, even if it causes feelings of separation. I want instant gratification in my relationships, and physical and sexual gratification are at the top of my list.

I never want any criticism or disagreement from anyone. I want my way at all times, and I want to be liked, loved, and accepted even when my behavior is hostile, obnoxious, or attacking.

The purpose of all relationships is to show you and everyone else that I'm the one with the power. What I say goes. Remember, if there ever is a lack of harmony in our relationship, I am. always right and you are always wrong. And I really want you to realize that if there is ever any problem in our relationship, you are the cause of it and the one to blame.

The ego goes on to say:

There is a double standard that makes it okay for me to be possessive, jealous, controlling, and manipulative. At the same time, it's okay for me to be dishonest, deceptive, to keep secrets from you, and to have affairs. But none of these things are okay for you to do.

I make the laws in all relationships, and one of my primary laws is that it is unforgivable for you to do anything that I don't want you to do.

The ego looks at relationships in a very negative way. It sees them as dangerous and as potential enemies. It would have us concentrate on differences, rather than similarities, and tell us to look upon differences as potential sources of deep hurt in our lives.

The ego tells us to never let go of past hurts because it is absolutely crucial to forever remember just how dangerous relationships can be. It would have us believe that without fear, we would not know how to protect ourselves and, therefore, would not know how to be safe and secure.

The Belief System of Love

Love looks at the world very differently. From the standpoint of the spiritual self, which is pure love, the purpose of our relationships is to experience a joining with one another and to remember that love is the only true reality there is.

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